Gossip Girl

NEW YORK (The CW) ― NEW YORK - Every week, 'Gossip Girl' know-it-all Rachel Seidman-Lockamy will recap the latest episode. All the dirt, all the drama from the privileged kids on the Upper East Side.

It's been a while since we've visited the UES, but to catch you up, Serena checked out of NYC with Poppi and her boytoy Gabriel, whilst Nate and Blair locked lips over a frozen pond. Think their sparks can melt the ice? We'll find out this week.

In another of Blair's lovely dream sequences, she confronts herself, both as "My Fair Lady's" flower selling version of Eliza Doolittle, and the refined and gorgeous lady sitting at Nate Archibald's side. When Queen B awakens, she's in full socialite-mode, cleaning her calendar of Seder dinner with her mom and step-dad in favor of time with the Van Der Bilts. Cyrus and Mama Waldorf want to call in a favor to get Blair in at NYU, but she'd rather chair four charities and have a personal assistant to keep track of her life. With Yale out of the picture, B's painting her own, and it doesn't involve campus life.[ed note: Those of us who went to NYU loved her dig at our expense. Touche, B.]

Serena comes home from Spain a bit freaked but tries to play it off to Chuck, who looks dashing in his robe if we may say so! She tries to say it was fun times with Poppi the whole way, but Chuck's got the dirt we all want to hear; Poppi's been home for days. So who was S off dancing the night away with?

N and B swap spit outside the church before Nate tells B not only did he get into Columbia, but his grandfather made one call and got him into Yale. Ouch. That's gotta sting, B. Nate plays nicey, but B's feeling mighty "common" and we suspect like with her dream girl Eliza Doolittle, shoes might be thrown.

Nate's grandfather settles in next to Blair and lets drop he knows Nate's little Columbia secret. Looks like things don't stay on the DL long in the Van Der Bilt family. Grandfather (or should we say "Godfather?") wants Blair to use her influence over Nate to make him pick Yale. She tries to be strong and stick up for Nate, saying the decision is his. Sure, it seems sweet, but hold your breath Gossipers. This is Blair Waldorf we're talking about. With the mention of one call to the Whitney Committee to ensure B's place in society, Grandfather shows why he's so dangerous. He can promise you the world, but your world has to spin his way to get it. B throws down one more caveat: she wants to be a bridesmaid. Deal, little Waldorf, but be careful what you wish for.

At Chez Humphrey, Jenny's got a new guy hanging around who she's totally crushing on, and big brother Dan doesn't disapprove. Rufus is running around like mad trying to come up with cash to send his baby boy to Yale, but his kids hatch a plan of their own to help out. Dan's going into the catering business.

Mama Waldorf laments letting Dorota have the weekend off… but what's this? Dorota's fallen in love with the handsome doorman from last week? Love it! But before we can chew too long on that, Serena calls Cyrus in need of a lawyer.

The call must've been quick, because next thing you know, Lilly and Rufus come home, and it's time for Serena and her mom to have a heart-to-heart. Lilly grounds Serena, who quickly grabs her phone and shoots off a quick call to B, who's mid-dress fitting. She's gushing as S sneaks out of her place down the elevator. Looks like Serena's sneaky ways can't be grounded.

Dan shows up for Day 1 of his catering job, and who should he find but Mama Waldorf. Looks like the Brooklyn boy's the hired help for the night. Dan tries to get out of it, but Mama Waldorf's scared of her husband's mother and desperately needs help throwing her first Seder. To sweeten the deal, she doubles their pay for the night, and yet another bribe wins the heart of Humphrey.

Cyrus and Serena chat and it turns out our Blonde Beauty got herself a husband in Spain! Was it the handsome Gabriel? Some random guy at a restaurant? We're about to burst, and then we remember Lonely Boy's in the house. Not only that, he overheard about S's nuptials and looks none too happy. Serena tells the story of Poppi and Gabriel's big breakup that somehow led to S and Gabriel skinny-dipping then getting married. How is something this juicy still a secret? Please, someone find out and make mayhem at that Seder!

Lilly and Rufus show up and Mama Waldorf almost spills the beans about Dan's employment. Lonely Boy tries to play it off to his father, and Serena joins in the gag, but Mama Waldorf's having none of it, ordering the poor boy around. What a farce!

To make matters worse; Serena's husband shows up. She excuses herself from the table just in time for the prayer. Dan tries to get away from the drama, but Lonely Boy should know by now that where there's S, there's a tornado. Yes, she tells Gabriel that Lonely Boy's still fanning her flame and tries to get rid of the handsome caller. Too bad Mama Waldorf got a sneak peek at him and thinks he's quite the catch!

The Seder resumes and it's a mess. Serena tries to keep her mom from talking to Gabriel while Cyrus tries to keep the Seder moving and Mama Waldorf just wants a nap. Unable to keep his mouth shut, Lonely Boy comes clean about him not being with Serena, and about the job to help pay for college. All's out in the open, but Lilly wants some time alone with her daughter. Last time she grounded her. What on earth can she do this time?

Turns out, they just talk, and Lilly lets her daughter know that while she was off cavorting with strangers in Spain, she got into Brown. That's enough for Mom and Daughter to be back on the same page and into dishing about hot Mr. Gabriel. Too bad he split without saying goodbye.

Serena tracks him down and the two talk on the street about their "marriage." Turns out, they never got married, but he'd love to be her boyfriend. Wow. Laying it on thick there, Gabriel, but it totally worked.

B tries her wiles on Nate to convince him to head to Yale for college, but he's stuck on Columbia. Something happened at Nate and Cuz's lunch, and Queen B's clueless. At the rehearsal dinner, neither looks happy at all. B fishes for information, but Nate's closed mouthed. So, B seeks out Trip for help. Too late.

Nate takes the stage and toasts his Grandfather in a most unusual manner; by revealing who really started the investigation into the Captain. Eep. Turns out family's so important to Grandfather, he'll rip them apart if he so chooses. Looks like Queen B's socialite dreams may be going out the window with Nate's toast.

Grandfather reminds Blair of their little deal, and she seems super torn about what to do and say. She tells him the truth; he's wonderful. While she goes to get her coat, Grandfather tells Nate he did call the SEC on the Captain, but only after confronting him. Is he telling the truth? Who knows, but he does sing like a canary when it comes to Blair. Nate knows the truth about Blair's involvement with his Grandfather, and he tells B she hasn't changed. Funny how last week he was so happy she was still "Blair" and this week, he's over her. Sounds like Nate Archibald's bouncing away from his latest girl. How long did this one last, two weeks? Typical Nate-And-Switch! But, oh, so juicy.

Back at Lilly's place, Lil J and her Flame play board games quietly, just trying to have fun when Chuck bursts in having his own type of fun. He and his prostitute-of-the-night practically strip in front of the two gamers on their way to the bedroom. Yikes!

Things are getting hot and heavy in the bedroom, but when Chuck realizes he's been with this hooker before, he chickens out and grabs a drink in the living room, watching Jenny and her boytoy play Monopoly. When Chuck gets a little graphic, Lil J practically kicks Wes out so she can lay down what's what with Chuck. See, she never told her dad about Chuck trying to go after her at the Kiss-on-the-Lips party last year. Doesn't mean she won't squeal now because she's tired of Chuck making everyone else miserable. Wow. Go Lil J! She lets him have it, just before he shows the hooker the door. Serious headspin after that little scene. Is Lil J growing a backbone? All the UES holds its breath in anticipation.

Chuck stares out the window at the darkness only to be joined by another sad soul; his best friend Nate Archibald. The two share a few drinks and talk about the lovely Blair Waldorf, who they both adore. Chuck thinks it's crazy for Nate to want Blair to be anything other than who she is. Chuck says she is changing, but needs someone to believe in her. Poor Chuck, that could have been you.

Back over at the Seder, Rufus has decided to sell his gallery to put his kid through college. Turns out, his heart isn't into it anymore. Anyone think Papa Humphrey's gonna return to singing his heart out for a living? There's a chance!

A broken Blair sits with her best friend, S, lamenting her bad choices with Nate and the Grandfather. Turns out B's even more sad about losing Nate than losing her precious committees. Mama Waldorf comes looking for her daughter saying someone's downstairs wanting to talk to her. She figures it's Cyrus and it's time for an apology. She goes to him, honestly sorry for her actions, and humbly asks for the chance to get in at NYU. Looks like Queen B's willing to settle for a non-Ivy after all.

Nate speaks up, letting her know he's there. They apologize and reunite in a kiss.

Chuck goes looking for his best friend, but finds empty glasses instead, not to mention a quiet Lil J, who had a great date. Growing up just a little, Chuck apologizes to Jenny about what happened, then leaves his next drink on the counter.

Meanwhile, back in B's bedroom, Serena gives Gabriel a call to let him know she's looking forward to what's next. We are, too. Gossip Girl was pretty quiet this week. We're hoping it's the calm before the storm.

And there's our last scene of the episode; Poppi Lifton asking Gabriel for an update on Serena. Looks like our favorite blonde might be a target for the evil socialite. We can't wait for more! Xoxo.

P.S. And who's that in the preview for next week? Georgina's back. Let the games begin!

(The CW)