Gossip Girl

NEW YORK (The CW) ― NEW YORK - Every week, 'Gossip Girl' know-it-all Rachel Seidman-Lockamy will recap the latest episode. All the dirt, all the drama from the privileged kids on the Upper East Side.

Another week, another round of downward spirals and juicy gossip. Now that we're past hot-for-teacher and Queen B's un-Blair-like meltdown.

Vanessa and Dan take a stroll together discussing plans and fun and future. Nate's revved up for time with his Brooklyn buddies, but Tripp, Nate's cousin, wants to pull him back to see his Grandpa. Remember the Grandpa who practically disowned Nate and his mom back in the day? Turns out there's a family reunion, but Nate would rather watch basketball with the Brooklyn bunch.

He struggles with the split screen, which is kinda funny because our boy's about to have split personalities all ep. Don't worry, you'll get the dish soon enough, gossipers! Anyway, V and Lonely Boy try to coerce Nate into spending time with Grandpa. They win.

A helicopter flies in at the mansion and Grandpa steps out, totally shocking the Brooklyn bunch. Sounds like they need a little more UES treatment to get into the swing of things. Grandpa offers "Nathaniel" a big hug and a welcome back, and it doesn't take long for him to rejoin his family and leave Lonely Boy and V outside. Ouch.

They catch up inside and get the grand tour, finding out about the family history. "We started out with almost nothing," Grandpa states, and Lonely Boy finally feels like he can relate to the well-to-do. That lasts about 20 seconds. Sorry, Dan. You're still just a poor boy in this universe.

Touch football starts and the boys get to roughhousing. Even Dan's playing in the run, and Tripp seems to hold some anger at his cousin. Meanwhile, Tripp's fiancé takes a trip over to Vanessa to play nice, except she's really not. She basically lets V know the Nate she knows and love might disappear with a few well-planned words from Grandpa. Double Ouch.

Chuck's got an itch for his former flame whom he deflowered in his limo. You know the girl, the one who's currently hooking up with the one and only Carter Baizen? Oh wait, he doesn't know that yet. Don't you love holding secrets over people's heads? Anyway, he's worried Queen B changed her digits. He commandeers S's phone to check it out, but we know the real reason Blair's playing hard to get!

Serena can't even get through to her best bud!

When Chuck shows up at B's place bearing gifts, he finds her scantily clad with Carter Baizen all over her. Ok, that's going a bit far, but you can totally see how Gossip Girl would put it, right? "OMG, B and C, but not the pair you're thinking!" Chuck tells Blair Carter's only interested in her to get at him, but she's so shut down she doesn't care. Uhoh, code red, I think Blair's going to disappear right in front of our eyes.

Lilly and her art dealer go over some lovely new pieces. Have to say, Mommy Van Der Woodsen knows how to rock bling on a dress! She gets a call from Rufus, and the art dealer gets squicked. Turned out, she spent some time on the mattress with Daddy Humphrey in the past, too.

Lilly and Rufus go into overdrive and agree to make lists of every person they've ever dated. Sounds like the adults are turning back into teenagers, and Rufus tries to tell her it's a disaster, but like her daughter, Lilly likes to live on the edge.

Blair and S take a girls' day out, and you think B's coming around. Yeah, right. The girl with everything decides to steal some sunglasses, and S sees things are just getting worse. She calls in security in the form of Chuck Bass. Turns out, she's the one bringing the delicious info, though. She won't even tell Chuck what's going down. Oooh. This is going to be good.

Lilly's working on her list of people she slept with when S gets home. Serena has to play mother and keep her mother from giving over the list to Dan's dad. Lilly is worried about being judged, and S perfectly quips "I think you should sneak a peak at his little black book before you throw the yellow pages at him." Perfect. Sheer genius.

Carter actually accepts Chuck's invitation and promptly drinks his alcohol with gusto. Please, someone take this guy down. Just before Chuck can rip off Carter's face, S gets tickets to send Carter away. He claims nothing will get him to leave, and she threatens him with some stuff she knows that we don't. Apparently S got questioned about some stuff and threatens him with it. It's enough to get rid of him. Thank you, S. Now, what is she hiding in her closet!? I want to know.

Lilly and Rufus dine together and he offers to give his list first. It's a single-sided index card. Oh. My. What is Lilly going to do now!? She decides to give him only part of her list, not the whole thing. I love that Slash is on her list! Rufus says he is relieved but we all know Lilly's totally hiding. Watch out. It's gonna come back on you.

Dan and V come back to the Humphrey house to find Lil J chilling out. Lonely Boy digs in a bit and Vanessa owns up to something being wrong; she feels like Nate's going to become a family clone, but she's got to say that to Nate…

She actually gives it a try, and he tells her nothing is going to change. They lean in for a kiss, but his phone vibrates and he puts the kiss on hold to talk to his cousin. He tells Tripp he's on a date and can't come, but Vanessa encourages him to see the fam. She's totally setting up her own undoing. You guys see this, right? Kinda glad she doesn't. Makes it more fun to watch!!

Chuck and Serena go on a Blair-hunt and find Dorota. She delivers a message to Chuck from Blair about Carter being more attentive to her needs, but the Bass can't take it anymore and offers to pay off Dorota to find Blair. See, they think she's at a party solo, and they can't let the Queen lose her tiara. Dorota balks at Chuck's offer of payment until S steps in, genuinely worried about Blair. That gets through.

They find her at the house of the Dean of Sarah Lawrence, and she's begging for a spot, practically on her hands and knees just to try and get in, but he tells her there's no way since she hazed a teacher. It breaks her down further, and she shrugs off C and S like an old coat.

The next day, Chuck and Serena decide to crash Nate's family reunion and find Blair burning bridges everywhere she can. She says as many awful things as she can, even if they are true. She even spills that Dan and his teacher hooked up in the costume closet. Oooh. He did tell her to do what she wanted with the info. Little did he know she'd dish it to her bestie at the worst time!

Chuck goes after Blair to try and rein her in, but she practically forces herself on him, hoping to pull him down with her. Chuck's not budging. For the first time in a long time, he's the one on solid ground, and she's the one lost in the ocean. Sad thing is, she doesn't even realize it, yet.

Across town, Rufus opens Lilly's purse to see the other half of her list, the half she didn't give him, and it hurts. See, should have just given him everything! I told you it'd come back! The two share eggrolls and she catches on that things aren't on the level. He whips out the second half of her list and throws it in her face while chowing down on Chinese. Things air out and I don't know how things are going to end for these two! Love the drama!

Nate shows up with Dan and V to the reunion sporting a new jacket with the family crest. Grandpa steals him, leaving the Brooklyn Bunch to go after drinks. Tripp catches up with V and tells her the backpacking trip this summer between her and Nate got called off the night before. It's a back-handed, awful way to burn a girl, and we wouldn't have it any other way. V confronts Nate about it and he tries to put a band-aid on things, but he only makes it worse.

Caught up in the mess of their lives, Blair and Nate share a soft moment. He drapes his jacket around her shoulders as they sit outside, away from the noise and drama inside. We get a brief history of the Nate/Blair story and it turns out they started dating back when they were just kids, 12 or 13 years old. Back then, they were on the same page about where they wanted to go; now they share in the confusion of their lives. Turns out, they're just growing up. Now, if only they'd take advantage of that tension and totally make out. Come on!

S catches up with Dan and smacks him full across the face and airs out their dirty laundry. With this many people in the room, it's bound to end up on Gossip Girl. Oh look, someone was recording it! Love it!

V and Nate chat, and it feels like a makeup's on the way. Not in Gossip Girl world! Nate makes a grandiose speech as Blair looks on, feeling inspired by his words, while Vanessa watches on, heartbroken. In public, in front of everyone, Nate lets Vanessa know she's flying solo this summer.

The Brooklyn bunch is completed when Lil J joins in and the three agree Nate and V are meant to be. Across town, Rufus brings Lilly a new list of things that make her sad, happy, and crazy. It's actually super sweet for the grownups!

Serena comes home to find Chuck drinking, totally unsure of what to do. The two siblings talk it through, and S practically spells out what Chuck needs to say to get B back: "Three words. Eight letters." Can he do it?

Chuck shows at Blair's place, heart on his sleeve, prepared to put himself out there. Dorota refuses to wake Queen B, but we know she's not really asleep. Turns out Nate gave her a ride home. Not only that, she's in a robe and he's in her bedroom. Scandalous!!

Chuck finds Nate's jacket downstairs and his heart breaks. We love it.

(The CW)