Gossip Girl

NEW YORK (The CW) ― NEW YORK - Every week, 'Gossip Girl' know-it-all Rachel Seidman-Lockamy will recap the latest episode. All the dirt, all the drama from the privileged kids on the Upper East Side.

Welcome back Gossipers! After weeks of downtime, Gossip Girl is finally back in full-swing. When last we dished, Dan hooked up with Miss Carr, B nearly lost her shot at Yale, and Chuck was chasing after a hot girl he met at a secret party. Where can it all lead? The Upper East Side of course!

It's the Constance/St. Jude play! "The Age of Innocence." Irony, eh? Chuck's free to avoid the drama due to a doctor's note saying he has acute stage fright. Leave it to a Bass to wiggle free.

S and B chat about their roles, and B's returned to the catty queen we all know and love, saying how it's hard for her to relate to her character since her world's so peachy and the character's is in shambles. Foreshadowing much? And we're only two minutes in! B asks about Lonely Boy and S reveals she's crushing on the director. An older man? How totally scandalous!

Nelly Yuki starts screaming about how she just got an email from Yale. She's in! Uhoh. Knew B's ride on the high horse couldn't last long!

Lonely Boy spots his new flame, Ms. Carr aka Hot Teacher who got fired because B started a sumor she was hooking up with her student. They try to avoid eye contact as Vanessa prowls backstage with her bf, Nate. Turns out the homeschooler's having a blast making a documentary of the whole sordid affair we call a high school play. Plus, she's all about the book while Nate totally misses the subtleties of the script.

Chuck, immune from the drama of, well… drama, says hello to some guy we've never seen before just before noting that Carter Baizen is back in town. Oh, and he's accompanied by the mysterious "Elle" who Chuck encountered once in a lavishly decked-out party. Looks like she jumps around from one UESer to the next in style. She's rocking out a new alias, then bolts as soon as she can to take off through the kitchen. Real classy, Mystery Chick.

As Carter departs, Mr. Campbell, that guy we didn't know who Chuck said hello to, takes off, too. Is Mr. Campbell tailing the young socialite? Juicy!

Lonely Boy's looking over his lines as Lil J plays her roles as costumer and sister, and delivers a message to Dan about his outfit. He begs her to give one to his secret flame, Ms. Carr. Jenny tries to say no, but he is the big brother after all.

B goes searching for Head Mistress Queller and finds out Yale rescinded her acceptance. They found out about her bad girl status and booted her before she got in. Would this happen in real life? Probably not, but it makes for awesome entertainment and tremendous gossip!

Rufus shows up to the show, and Lil J accidentally drops Ms. Carr's response to Dan's letter. Jenny tries to grab it, but Daddy's got the message and he's planning a little surprise for the Hot Teacher. It's so fun to see the adults play evil sometimes!

As soon as B gets backstage, she's on her Blair Witch Hunt to find out who snuffed out her candle of hope for Yale. First she sinks her teeth into Nelly Yuki, who declares everyone hates her. The Mean Girls rally around Nelly, eager for a new Queen. On cue, twenty cell phones go off with a Gossip Girl blast, and more of B's dirty laundry is out for all to see. Remember that Lord of hers back at the beginning of the season? Word's gotten out about him hooking up with his stepmother, and it's more shame for the former Queen of the World. She changes targets; Vanessa.

S tries to flirt with her director, but he ignores her completely. Serena lets her interest in the director, Julian, slip to her friend Vanessa. They decide to go out as a foursome; Nate, V, Serena and the snobby director. All seems right in the world until Blair arrives steaming. She figures the only person who could know about the Lord would be V, but S takes her side, and Blair's left floundering in the water. All her friends have turned their backs, and she's running out of options.

At the dinner, Vanessa's the only one who knows enough about Julian's obsession with classic films to keep up with him. Nate seems frustrated and Serena's working up a plan to make V's knowledge help her land the part she's dreaming of; director's girlfriend.

Serena makes use of her gorgeous locks to hide a Bluetooth so V can whisper stage secrets to help her win the director. Julian thinks the beautiful thoughts are coming out of S and says he underestimated her. Is S going to get her storybook ending? Not so fast! Turns out word's gotten out about her Yale offer only coming from her shots in the papers last year. Ouch.

Meanwhile, Nate overheard his Lady V whispering words for S to woo Julian with. Sadly, he mistook the person on the other end of the phone to be Julian. So, he thinks his girl's making it with the director. Nate has it all wrong, but it's bound to make for some juicy drama!

At her place, Ms. Carr lights candles, hoping for a not-so-impulsive romp with her new boytoy, but she gets her boytoy's angry father instead. So busted.

Rufus gives his son an ultimatum on the Ms. Carr relationship, but Lonely Boy says he's 18 so he can see who he wants.

Chuck shows up at the Palace to see Elle/Hailey/Mystery Woman waiting for him. He serves her tea as she totally spins a twisted story to woo him. Come on, it's what we're all thinking. Chuck Bass may be… well, Chuck Bass, but this girl has ulterior motives.

Chuck and Elle/Hailey/Mystery Woman meet up with Carter to get the chick safe passage out of the country. Chuck shares another kiss with this woman he's suddenly infatuated with before putting her in the limo for safe passage. Yeah, not so safe Bass. Carter's got a secret society tattoo, too!

The theater fills and everyone's getting ready. Blair's falling apart, but Dorota tries to tell Blair to use her pain onstage. Serena shows up to accuse Blair of putting out the Gossip Girl blast about her Yale acceptance, but B's totally innocent, and only Dorota believes her.

Lonely Boy grabs Ms. Carr so they can "talk" about things. They slip into the costume room and do very little "talking." So, instead of staying away from each other, student and teacher are at the school staying as close to each other as two human beings can. Here's hoping this is the subject of the next Gossip Girl blast this ep!

Chuck meets with Mr. Campbell/aka man we've never met before this episode but it's great that Chuck noticed this guy tailing Carter Baizen. Mr. Campbell tries to play dumb, but Chuck says this girl's in trouble and he's worried enough about her to go to the authorities about it. It's not enough to convince him to open up to Chuck, but a text message makes the teenager smile.

Between acts, Stuck Up Director gives the cast a pep-talk about being in labor. It's quite disturbing and so graphic even Gossip Girl wouldn't repost it. Then, he gets down to the nitty gritty; big time critic is here. Screw this up, you die. See, wasn't that easier than the whole giving birth metaphor? Much easier to fit in a SMS.

Between romantic lines from the play, Blair and Dan have it out about their mutual hatred for one another. She remarks he's the only one who knew about all the gossip in the blasts, so it had to be him. Finally, it clicks. Ms. Carr might not be most innocent flower in the bunch. Could she be so devious to not only get Blair kicked out of Yale but also destroy Serena's reputation as well?

Lil J shows up to comment innocently on V's belief that Julian's a brilliant director. It burns Nate up just as he takes to the stage to see all the other elements fully in play. S is angry at B over a blast. B's angry at Dan over the blasts, and Nate thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him with the director. Drama! We love it!

And to make things worse, V's parked herself next to the director. Ouch.

Everybody starts airing out their dirty laundry. Funny enough, they're perfectly cast. And the stage manager lets out the perfect OMG. Jenny closes the curtain on them and everyone disperses. The end. Haha. We love it.

Julian goes off on the cast, but the critic adored the play and thinks he's a genius. He takes full credit, of course, losing the adoration of a certain blonde beauty. Glad she finally realizes how pompous he is. The kicker? He's gay.

V goes looking for Nate, thinking everything's golden. He admits he thinks V's into the director and she explains the whole thing to him, but he still looks unconvinced. Is he really going to break up with her over this? Yes. Yes, he is. Oh, Nate, when will you learn?

Away from the theater, Chuck shows up at the hotel from his text message to find Elle, alive and well, totally admitting she used him. We called it lady. You're not special. Then, she finally does something right; she tells him to put his energies into someone who deserves it. We can think of a gal. Her name stars with B and rhymes with Chair. Get the picture?

Lonely Boy grabs Ms. Carr in public and he calls her on her BS. She admits to the drama and says she won't patch things with Blair. Dan mans up, walks away, tells B what's up and even gives her permission to let everyone know Lonely Boy and Teacher did the do in the costume room. Rawr!

Blair confronts Ms. Carr who acts like a baby and practically weeps all over Queen B who seems to take pity on her and becomes the bigger person right before our eyes.

Dan continues making amends by letting Serena know Blair didn't blast her. Turns out he whispered sweet nothings into Ms. Carr's ear about Serena's press release with Yale. Ouch.

Nate chills at his place and V shows bringing snacks and begging for cuddling on the couch to watch ESPN. Now that is a tolerant girlfriend. Glad to see them kissing and making up. And he's watching "The Age of Innocence." That's right hotties. And that's show business.

Rufus is playing the sad girl digging into ice cream (Where is Lilly this week?) and Dan admits his dad might have known more about the seductive teacher than he did, but asks for space to make his own mistakes. We've seen lots of them already Dan, and can't help but love your little flubs.

Lil J spots a letter at the door and brings it to Dan. It's a letter from Ms. Carr saying she's running back to Iowa with her tail between her legs. Not going to miss you too much, Teacher. Gotta be honest here.

Blair sits alone at the bar, but S wanders up to chat with her and try to be friends again. Blair's buried herself in some alcohol and seems to be pulling a Chuck Bass on us, embracing all the bad things people say about her as the whole of her identity. She says Yale kicking her out is the karma she's earned, and she asks S to give her air.

Chuck shows at B's house, maybe to try and give her the attention she deserves. A robed Dorota tells him Blair is out, but he's willing to wait. Too bad she's at the bar with none other than Carter Baizen. He calls her beautiful and puts a hand on her thigh. Looks like Bass better get in line if he wants his love back.

It's getting interesting again! XOXO, Gossipers.

(The CW)