Gossip Girl

NEW YORK (The CW) ― NEW YORK - Every week, 'Gossip Girl' know-it-all Rachel Seidman-Lockamy will recap the latest episode. All the dirt, all the drama from the privileged kids on the Upper East Side.

Last week Nate asked B to move in with him and warned off Chuck's advances. Meanwhile, Serena's southerner turned out to be a scammer caught up in a round of money-stealing with Poppi Lifton. Oh, and Georgina's back. This is gonna get good!

Serena goes home to let her mom know about the scam, but all Lilly can do is go on and on about Gabriel. Then, she gives her daughter a fantastic bracelet that belonged to her great-grandmother. It was going to be a gift when she was 21, but Lilly's proud and wants her girl to have it.

Blair gets Serena's call and tries to skip out on Nate to help her best friend, but Nate's still pushing her to live with him. B can't make a decision. Wonder if that might have something to do with a guy who shares a name with a fish? B avoids the issue and rushes to help S, so Nate follows. Looks like he wants to avoid his gf spending another limo night with Bass.

Meanwhile, the Humphreys take a stroll, and Rufus is far too chipper for his kids. He reminds them that Gabriel let him in on an investment that could change their lives, then lets them know he's about to propose to Lilly. We just squeed a little on the inside. He wants to ask Eric's permission to marry his mom. That's actually really cute. Serena texts Lonely Boy to say she's out on brunch, but he rushes to catch her to coerce her to join in.

B shows at S's place, and while Serena's glad to see her bestie, she's a bit shocked the boyfriend came along, too. Serena gives them to lowdown on what's gone down, and B's actually sympathetic.

Chuck and Georgina show at Serena's place, but Chuck leaves her in the parlor while he joins the crew in Serena's bedroom. S leaves a message for Gabriel crying "pregnancy" but Chuck's not too keen on their plan. Before he gets too far into an alternative Dan joins the party and then Georgina steps in. And it's on! Everyone in the room starts screaming over one another and it's chaos until the phone rings and it's Gabriel.

Serena goes to chat with Gabriel. He tries to play it off like everything's normal, but she's a visible wreck. She lets loose that she's not pregnant, but starts to lay in on him for being the lying, conniving, scheming… are those enough "ings" to describe the loathsome qualities of the shady southerner? Anyway, she asks for the money back, but he says he can't do it. Cue Chuck, who lets Gabriel know there's no leaving the hotel for him unless the money goes back to the investors. Seriously, Chuck is a pro. Love him. Don't mess with a Bass. Gabriel tells them Poppi has the money, and the targets shift.

They get the dish and find out the little socialite is really what Chuck calls a "faux-cialite." She's been faking her riches the whole time. Gabriel starts to describe how his scheme got out of control with having to bring in new investors to pay off the old ones, but Chuck's way ahead of him. Looks like that grooming to become head of Bass Industries is paying off!

Gabriel still tries to tell Serena how much he cares about her, how his feelings got in the way of his and Poppi's scheme, but she doesn't believe him. He tells them to find Poppi.

Dan runs into Lilly, and instead of keeping his trap shut about S's plan, he totally dishes the whole thing to Lilly. Seriously, Lonely Boy? You couldn't keep your mouth shut for ten minutes? He wonders how to tell his Dad all his college money is gone, but Lilly asks him to stay quiet about it, and she'll fix it. Just how many Van Der Woodsens does it take to fix a scam? I guess we'll find out.

Lilly goes over some paperwork with Bruce about the investors in Gabriel's company, but Lilly puts that on hold to talk to Serena. Mom is concerned about word getting out about the scam and how it will affect Serena. Lilly wants to quietly pay back all the investors by telling them the deal didn't work out. She claims the issue is too "adult" for Serena to handle, and while I think the younger Van Der Woodsen understands her mom's concerns, but isn't stopping.

Blair and Nate wait with Georgina for Serena and Chuck to return to the group, but Queen B's annoyed at being left with the supposed Christian convert. Georgina wants her forgiveness, but all Blair wants is revenge for what happened to her friend. The team discusses what to do about Poppi, who's still in town pretending to be one of Gabriel's victims. They decide to dress Georgina up and make her into a sap Poppi can try to leach money from. G's not down with playing the role, but Queen B's eager to mold G for the task.

Rufus and Eric take a walk, and now that the young Van Der Woodsen knows Rufus' intentions, he tries to make sure Papa Humphrey is ready for the ride. Satisfied with his choice, Eric shakes hands with his possible new Papa, then recounts the ways Lilly's past four husbands proposed.

Blair tries to bring G back to her bad roots, but Georgina rejects it. Earlier Georgina said God would help her find a way to earn B's forgiveness, and Queen B uses that quote to get what she wants. S calls B to put the plan on hold, ordering her friend to not do anything without her. Just when you think the drama can't get higher, S walks into her living room to find Poppi sharing tea with Lilly. Looks like the arch enemy wanted to drop by and make sure she has all her bases covered. Serena wants to call the cops, but Lilly's fine with letting Poppi go to Florida to hurt more people. That's enough for Serena to go back to her old ways and defy her mother. She rushes to B, saying it's time to take action. On cue, Georgina comes into the parlor in her latest incarnation; a sweet Floridian meeting her first friends in New York.

Chuck inspects B's work, and he's quite pleased. They want to get Poppi talking about money so they can record her on Georgina's device in her bag. Then, they blackmail her into giving the cash back. Sounds awesome.

Lonely Boy calls to meddle again saying he got a call about his dad getting dividends from this scheme that supposedly went up in smoke, but S rushes off the phone. Not before Dan gets an earful of where they're headed; Russian Tea Room. Look for drama in Russia today.

Rufus and Lil J show up at Lilly's place to set up for the proposal. There's lots of flowers and her favorite wine, chocolates. Jenny tries to make sure her dad knows that his proposal may not be as dramatic and huge as her past proposals, but it's more personal. His shows that he knows her. Say it with me; awww. Now, when's it getting juicy? Oh, there we go. Lilly and Jenny walk down towards proposal time, but a phone stops Lilly. Jenny steps out to leave the lovebirds together.

Too bad Lilly's gotta take that phone call from Dan. Lonely Boy wants to know what's up with the dividends and Lilly lets slip that she put Rufus' money in a mutual fund to give him dividends back. Looks like she wasn't going to tell him about the scheme at all, meaning her "adult" way of handling everything is to lie to everyone, even the man who wants to propose to her. Ouch.

Dan gets in the way again by telling Lilly her daughter is "handling" something at the Russian Tea Room. This delays Lilly from her proposal, giving Rufus more time to set up. Too bad, because he finds a dossier he shouldn't have. He finds out about the dividends. Yay!

Before entering the tea room, Nate and Chuck have a quick heart-to-heart about Blair. Nate thinks Chuck's still in love with B, but just lying to himself about it. Nate says it's time to man up and tell Blair or just cut her loose for real because he wants her. The way he says he wants her is the same way I say I want a car. That doesn't sound like a good thing.

Georgina tries to work Poppi over, asking what type of "Sex in the City" girl she is. Poppi sort of smiles and laughs at the child's incompetence, but we know about the dark ooze in that girl's veins. Poppi starts talking up how she gives wireless to third world countries, and Georgina swoons over it appropriately.

Blair sits at the bar with Chuck, and it turns out B's on the same page as her boyfriend. They both want something out of Chuck; either buckle down and earnestly go for it or just cut her loose. Chuck tells B the whole thing's just a game. He doesn't really want her. He just hates to lose. Of course, it's a lie. As soon as she walks away in tears S asks Chuck why he lied. He admits he loves her, but doesn't think he can make her happy, and he wants her to be happy.

The cops show, and everyone assumes they're here to get Poppi, but things go all wonky. Turns out Georgina loses the cash she hands Poppi and Serena's the one going to the big house instead. Ouch.

B thinks it's all Georgina's doing, but G claims she gave Poppi all the money from her Bible camp to buy Bibles and that she really had nothing to do with any of this. Blair says she's never going to forgive Georgina for what she did, and neither will Jesus.

Back at the Van Der Woodsen's, Rufus confronts Lilly about the list he found, and she's forced to fess up. She lets him know that the investment didn't work and she's working to get everyone's money back. He realizes she planned on giving him money every month behind his back, and Rufus' pride kicks in.

Lilly gets a call from a detective. Turns out she turned in her daughter for stealing that bracelet she earlier gave her. Seriously, Lilly? Your parenting skills are awful. She tells Rufus she did it to give Serena some time to think, and that she'll drop the charges in a few weeks. Lilly laments Serena messing up her future and how embarrassing it would be to her, Lilly. It takes only a moment for Rufus to remember where he's words like that before; from Lilly's own mother. Lilly decides she doesn't want to talk about it anymore and finally notices the fine meal Rufus prepared for her. She asks what it is, and he tells her it's a big mistake.

Chuck arrives at the station and Nate's surprised Blair called him. She lets him know there's nothing to worry about between her and Chuck now, but that she still doesn't want to move in with Nate. She thinks it's too big a step, but does think it'd be appropriate for him to ask her to prom. Looks like the queen and king are already chosen! How could you go wrong? B already bears a tiara.

G calls B to let her know "the bitch is back." Turns out her goody-two-shoes days are up. Whether it was a scam the whole time or if she just went back to her old ways is still to come. At least we know G wasn't the one to get S arrested.

Rufus comes home to the loft, and the kids expect news of a new family. Instead, he gives them the ring, asking them to return it for him. Looks like nuptials aren't in the future for the Humphreys and Van Der Woodsens.

Meanwhile, Nate calls in a favor from his grandfather while Chuck calls some of his contacts. They're all trying to get Serena out of jail. I just can't wait for the drama when she finds out Mommy Dearest was the one to put her in!

(The CW)